The Window

First rays of dawn flickered in, making a projection on the rough brick wall. Dust particles danced along, forming patterns in the air. Chill of the night slowly dying out.. sounds of a broom brushing against the hard grounds at regular intervals.. stomping of a few boots.. dragging of metal scraps.. a distant dry cough and finally a shrill siren rotating around the high walls adding to the morning music, announcing the start of another day.

Deep down, in the solitary prison cell.. the prisoner wakes up to a dark morning. The frozen concrete lying underneath sends shivers down the spine, flinging him into consciousness. Last night was dreamless, devoid of any emotions, almost empty. Sitting up, he looks above, at the mellow lights coming through the tiny window. ‘The fog must be still thick’ he thinks to himself. Glancing at the projection on the wall, he locates a parked tractor.. changing into some meaningless scribbles.. taking the shape of a bird he never knew of.. vanishing into large eclipses and clearing out into the shadow of  permanent bars. Time has not moved since. 

Winters have always been the best of all seasons. As a child he loved loitering in the farm when it was covered with thick fog, checking on the animals in the barn, occasionally taking his sister to his hideout, setting the garbage on fire.. pilling up dry leaves and stealing apples from the neighbor’s farms.. and then there was also the growing violence, a disturbed existence, a desire to break free, an emergency call and a few accidents. Winters always reminded him of the past. The choke at the bottom of his throat grew fierce, hunger burning his stomach. Loneliness striking again. The window keeps sketching patterns on the wall. Picking up a few of his sole companions, neatly folded and kept under the pillow, bleak memories, torn at the folds and burnt at the edges, he brushes his hands through them. They still smell colours. Its dark to see, but he needs no light. He knows it too well, its been rehearsed everyday, almost every alternate hour, lest its lost.

The slowly fading past threatens him, stripping him off his only belongings, to a future which he doesn’t know and can’t predict. He weeps aloud. He calms himself. He talks it out with him. He plans in his head. He scribbles the routes. He captures patterns. He chases the light. He despises the freedom and he craves for it.. He walks ahead towards the window, towards the rugged brick wall and slowly into the blackout.

..through some shifted frames

Passing stranger, you do not know how longingly I look upon you, 

You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, it comes to me as if in a dream..

I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recalled as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured.  

You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, 

Your body has become not yours only, nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass,
You take of my face, breast, hands in return..

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone
or wake at night alone. 

I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

 

   To A Stranger

- by Walt Whitman

A Death wish

Step Sisters

The pain was excruciating. My hands trembled to reach hers.. but the growing distance ..the unearthly force ripping us apart from the embrace, made it seem nearly impossible. A fierce tide washed off the rough ground beneath me in utter rage, thrashing me into a whirlpool. It burnt against my skin. Then it was the current pulling me further down into what is seemed like nothingness.. deeper and deeper.. thoughts raced through me, almost in a blur.. until darkness gripped.

It was easier than flying. Almost effortless. As we held each other’s hand and ran along the sandy beach. We have been perfect, inspite of our differences. The soul sisters.

She was plain. with a small nose that wrinkled up a little, whenever she was disagreeing.. mostly with me.. confused. A wheatish complexion that she loathed, a formed prejudice. Dark black curls and a deep set jaw giving away the stubborn cheekbones. She often confessed she felt beautiful with me, desired to steal my splendor as it felt unfair to belong together yet so widely apart. “You are divine & serene.. so pure that I feel jealous” she used to say. I never quite felt the same for her. Never saw myself without her. If not for her I would have never felt emotion. It was so easy to share my thoughts with her and see her shed tears for me.. for my wellbeing. She consoled. She healed me.

And then when she lay, lifeless.. her face peaceful, relieved somehow. Soft white waves washing away at her feet, the foam touching her soft features. The sky looked unusually lit. Wrapped in a green cast that hurt the eyes. Blinding. I was breathing silence now, it was so thick it suffocated me. Its been days I’ve been running.. running away from the darkness that followed behind. The speed was breathtaking, not knowing where It’ll lead me.. what I’ll witness and what I’ll endure. But it seemed like homecoming. The huge chandelier tossed rainbows around the place as afternoon sunlight fell into its arms. The window had a golden frame, intricate and ornamented with glittering stones. The air smelt familiar.. welcoming. I walked, in steady small steps.. much calmer now.. and there she was, waiting for me outside, her face perfect as always..

Golden hair flying into her face.. deep blue eyes deep into mine.. arms stretched out for an embrace..

 

This is home.

Blame it on the anti-biotics!

I guess if you are destined to fall for a guy.. vampire or what-ever, whos eye color changes from Onyx to Topaz??!! (..are u kidding me?)You’re definitely struck by the devil and NO God can save you the mis-fortunes.

Purrr! W-h-a-t a w-e-e-k.. with all its great falls!!

Hogenekkal Falls to start with.. when (as my friend said..) the “anti-biotically infused” me and 2 more equally eccentric people in the “Blue city” set off for the weekend trip. Not going too much into the drive.. would just say it was threatening to see our driver take his feet off the accelerator & break to the tunes of “Oh boy! You’re mine..” and a few more equally disturbing Bollywood hits. Unbelievable but true, we managed to reach the destination.. and when those gushing water streams splashed on your face, it all felt right. But how can things be in place for too long considering our much desired “balance” of life.

Yes! My Nikon F55 had the next great fall. (I hope my parents don’t have my blog link saved anywhere..) Carefully wrapped as it was, in a bath towel to save it from any water splash in my bag while I was using the not-so-cared digital camera for the needful.. the bag fell off the rock (which I thought had quite the strong and balanced composure.. definitely more than mine at that point of time) Sorry, I refuse to describe the water it fell into.. okay, it had moss in it.. and may be 1 or 2 ghutka packets?? So what! I wudn’t have been less heartbroken if it fell into the pure waters of Ganges. Ignore the pun. thats my anti-biotics again.

I’m yet to hear from the service centre guy.. but I’m still hopefull of getting my camera back in full health, after a few surgeries. (praying aside, it happens by Saturday!)

Getting back! What was I expecting of Sunday? While trying to transfer songs from my phone to a friends, it hung and restarted a few times. Moderately crippled by technology as I am, we took it to the showroom and discovered a virus-attack. Did I forget to mention it attacked my friend’s phone too. These bloody viruses don’t even take a weekend’s break!! Or should I say they work ONLY on spoiling weekends. Harrowed by the new phone models displayed all around us, we finally decided to give our materialistic selves a try.. and as it all happens at the wrong times, I fell for Nokia C5 ..and quite a fatal attraction I must agree! The no-interest EMIs were only for the ICICI & Citibank cardholders.. but I don’t believe in “signs” do i?

Oh yes! The HDFC credit card bill is on its way..

Feeling all happy about the person who created the phrase “Alls well that ends well?” (..not “Aal Is Well”) I started the week. The infamous Monday Morning came with high fever and severe weakness. ignored the headache as my-usual-migraine. Still hoping that it was the intestinal infection and nothing else, I went for a blood test. (..and people say I’m negative about life?) Widal test confirmed Typhoid. Crap! I’ve fallen sick! The list of dos-and-donts started flowing from all over the world.. “bland food, no oil, no spice, take rest, take care, don’t leave your stomach empty, sleep often, only mineral water, lots of fruits (yuck!), tender coconut water, don’t skip medicines, avoid non-veg!” Stop! Stop! Stop!*

..and then the last and the final “Humpty Damn-ty had a great fall” (did I spell it wrong?) "all the kings horses & all the kings men, couldn’t put Humpty together again!”  Pardon my singing nursery rhymes in the middle of no-where, its those anti-biotics, and I’m a little high.. so, it’s the right time to admit (or I might regret it later) that Edward Cullen is definitely d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s! With all his (read good-looks) passion & animal instincts to protect someone he loves. Yes, I’m behaving like a teenager. I’ve heard that quite sometimes since the past few more-than-hours.. but that’s the guy at the end of the day.. (or blog post..) that takes it all away!

I guess if you are destined to fall for a guy.. vampire or what-ever, whos eye color changes from Onyx to Topaz??!! (..are u kidding me?)You’re definitely struck by the devil and NO God can save you the mis-fortunes. Have I fallen into the loop again??

* PS. No offense to all those I quoted. You know I love you all, and aside I appreciate the care & concern. :) 

Travel Tale | Palanpur 'Express'

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..the rusted grill gate opened to a small balcony wrapped in a layer of dust pilling up for years. As we walked further in, I entered a dark passage with rooms on either side, peeped into one of them and stared at it with a stunned silence. It had everything capable of throwing me into downright depression. Its almost broken windows failed to allow the required sunlight for human existence.. but didn’t allow one to miss those dust particles flying in the air.. the damp through the mezzanine floor was prominent.. shelves covered with wooden doors didn’t promise much either. A single mattress, uncovered, stained and grayed with dirt was folded and left unattended at one corner. The walls though brightly coloured in green wasn’t the right shade and wasn’t giving any comfort at all. “Is this where I have to stay for the next one week.. or more?” I thought. My heart skipped a beat.

I was working with the Mumbai based fashion designer, Krishna Mehta. Back in 2007 it was my first job after passing out of NIFT. Have been aware of this small village called Palanpur in Gujarat since then. Krishna had one of her block printing units there. Palak as it was called was indeed special. The workers here couldn’t hear or speak, yet they were gifted to be warm. A week amidst nature with its serenity & adventure.. The idea of visiting the place at the first go was appealing!

As we wrapped up work in the unit, I started dreading going back to the place where we were supposed to spend the night.. nights till work gets over. I felt betrayed. Was told, arrangements of staying were at the guesthouse, not at some god-forsaken house in the middle of tall trees, unused for 20 years and also with a possibility of being haunted. Krishna left for Mumbai that afternoon. Firoz and I stayed outdoors till sunset, planning our days ahead. I mostly complaining and he being all patient and sympathetic.. probably thinking “these kids!” aside. Nightfall in Palanpur was unforgettable. Had remotely imagined what darkness could mean.. and that even insect sounds could be deafening in that silence. In full rampage, the house was clean for the night.. Firoz had taken charge of not letting me break down in everyway possible.

Yet, had troubles falling asleep that night.. was already planning escape .

Dawn broke pretty soon. I had decided, I was going back. Bought tickets for the day after. The early morning train was from Amhedabad. Had no idea how I was going to reach there but I knew I had to go back. Nothing seemed right at that moment.. or I just wasn’t seeing it. Felt suffocated in that loneliness. As the day passed.. things started getting sorted.. managed a bus ticket to Amhedabad.. and with Firoz’s help even found a place to stay there for a night. Himanshu!! It totally skipped my mind.. he was staying in Amhedabad. I don’t know where I got the motivation or was it out of that utter desperation to escape.. that I finished most of the work in the unit and by evening.. all my bags packed!!

The bus journey was tough. I was sad. Never thought I would ‘run away’ from the responsibilities given to me.. and if its your first job, the guilt is even worse.

Thankfully Firoz accompanied me, so we had other things to talk about. As we reached Amhedabad at night.. we took a little tour of the place. Our first stop & the only one being NID, before Himanshu’s house. Chicken stew awaited us for dinner.. aunty was informed that I wasn’t keeping well and hence I had to leave. Ofcors, they knew the story later.J Did I forget to mention, this family was Bengali.. and apart from the good food, a lot of the other ‘bong’ factors completely set my mind for the next day. Firoz and Himanshu came to see me off at the station in the morning. Just as the train started moving.. I knew no words to thank the two of them.. must’ve done something right to get that kind of a support.

..spend the journey phrasing my resignation.

Mumbai never seemed more welcoming. I showed up in office after 2 days.. and thank god I didn’t have a missing diary at police stations by then. As I now look back at this, I don’t regret coming back since I have understood, apart from taking up and accomplishing all the responsibilities given to you in your job, its also important to put your foot down when required.

I didn’t have to resign, probably everyone understood the same.

About those Inkstains that ruined my Page..

New Look!!
At-l-a-s-t.. after a days effort and yes in the process i did manage to learn little bit of HTML!! What a pain!
So whats with this name? Whoever manages to get any meaning out of it.. is welcome to post comments for some fun discussion.. and for the rest (..or the rest of the world who would never read my blog) Ah, nevermind.. its just crap.
 

Shob Choritro Kalponik

A film by Rituporno Ghosh, it revolves around the life of a poet.. Successful and well appreciated by the world for his literary work. Hidden behind all the fame & achievement is an ordinary man not so successful in fulfilling the basic scores of life. Being annoyingly impractical and insensitive, his wife becomes weary of his sense of responsibility and attention towards the family, and decides to separate. A sudden demise of her husband just on the day of her confrontation to a colleague and friend about the decision, turns the world around for her.

The memorial function sets her into a whole new journey.. through the various recitations of her husband’s works which she was completely unaware of throughout these years.. or more importantly never inquisitive enough.. As she learns more about all the imaginary characters he created.. she discovers him yet again.. completely different from what she knew he was. Not the reckless, unkempt man who was selfishly into his own self.. but as an immensely insightful human being to whom every moment spent with any person was memorable.. and significant.. a part of his existence.

A mystical expedition takes her to the woman he loved.. and how he wanted the woman of his life to love him.. in a different name than hers yet almost similar to the woman she was. The differences begin to fade away as she realizes she was the one he loved and was an inspiration throughout the years he lived. Probably she has begun to understand him better and love him for the person he is.. and he is.. he still lives..

Love travels through the barriers of death and she finds him with her.. just the way she had always wanted..

Reality is vague.. and it’s the emotional attachments that tie us up together.. in different relationships. This is one of those movies which moved me and grew on inside with time.

Thought it was a piece of art.. never before by the director.

High Heels & Shoe Bites

I was always under an impression that I can’t walk in high heels.. even stepping into a pair of them would get me into the fear of breaking my ankles, until that day when I got drunk & danced in them!! Ofcors I don’t have any re-collection of it myself.. if not for my friends & photographs of the event.. I would have never known!
So many times, while learning how to cycle, I’ve looked ahead at an obstacle and told myself.. “I’ll go left.. I don’t wanna bump into that!” ..and w-o-ah! I go b-a-n-ging into that in the next second!! Frustrated.. I never cycled again in my life!
I’ve been reading a lot of philosophy lately.. but this piece is absolutely from my experiences.. its very important to control your mind for your body and not against it. It’s not just positive or negative thinking that can get you there. Would say I am blessed with the power of thinking.. a lot of us are.. but exactly how many of us can control our mind? A rare few? Havn’t met anyone yet.
It’s not easy to fight against the deepest fears, especially when you don’t even know the cause for them. It could be from the past you never knew you had. an event that might have nudged you subconsciously at some point of time.
I wake up every morning to different emotions.. sometimes am euphoric because it’s a bright and sunny day.. other times its a strange sensation of hollowness & depression that grips me.. As one of my friend also mentioned sometime back.. I tell myself, “I choose to be happy!!” Does that help? Not really.. As the day passes, these bouts of highs & lows keep getting back because we let it be. Not sure what else can be done.. I’ve been urged to stabilize my mind for the sake of my well being. Sometimes thinking negatively when required, sometimes seeing things positively.. telling myself constantly.. happy or unhappy.. I want to be healthy.. physically & mentally. Because happiness and depression is part of living.. but its important to be able to remain stable to deal with all the emotions. Does that drive some of the readers?

PS. I still avoid high heels. The fight is on! :)

..a journey of Spring to Spring-Summer.

February 20. 8:30 AM. Alarm goes off..

The sun is already raging.. spreading himself across the entire bed for a while now.. As I look aside.. to see pages of the chemistry book fluttering in the air. Looking ahead.. Hrithik smiling at me for falling asleep through those equations last night. Horrified, I jump out of bed.. Determined to finish that chapter in the day.. “there’s still time to cover up!” I think.

It’s that time of the season.. when windows in the house have started to be opened up in the mornings. After winters. The sky is clear & blue, smell of new leaves in the air and the woodpecker is in action again. One glance at the terrace.. thanks to my window side study table.. old clothes being arranged in the sun, blankets.. to be kept aside for the next winter and the mind wanders.. its always great day dreaming.

February 20. 8:30 AM. Alarm goes off.

The sun must be already raging.. don’t know when I slept last night. Don’t have much time to think either. Deadlines still haunting. 5 Styles.. 3 dockets today! Is there milk in the house for coffee?? Geyser on before the power goes off. Crap food for lunch again! Have to stop at an ATM before office.. “Walk on..” says U2

After bargaining for the best price and stepping into the auto.. a momentary glance.. The sky is clear & blue, fresh leaves and.. a screeching horn from the vehicle beside. The meters running fast. Damn!

It’s that time of the season again.. Time is tricky! You never know when it starts controlling your life. The cycle of 12-12.. theres no way out as you fall into it.. Now that’s how you mature. An organized thought. An exercise to remain focused. Within the daily chores somehow, the inner voice remains unheard.. the place between the head and heart un-noticed. Untouched. No issues. Humans move on.. that is how it should be. The key to survival. Switching the mind, maneuvering it to pace with the 12s.

For someone like me.. who gets tired of the pace too soon and wants to wander in the past.. theres always.. this time of the season.. to fall back on. Remembering those small details.. feelings associated with it. Good or bad. It always makes me smile.

Today, after a long time.. I stood for hours in front of the open window staring into space watching nothing in particular. Listening to my heart.. Re-connecting with myself. It was long due.

Competitors & Innovation

Wanted to share this interesting article by a Prof. at IIM Bangalore.

It made me think.. probably can provoke some thought in others too.. or if not its surely an interesting read.

"Have Breakfast OR Be breakfast"

Who sells the largest number of cameras in India? Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not cameras but cell phones. Reason being cameras bundled with cell phones are outselling stand alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cell phone from replacing the camera outright?

Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sonys and Canons are taking note.

Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India? You think its HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music companies make by selling music albums. Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service provider with the largest subscriber base in India. That sort of competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you can't be farther from truth.

Nokia confessed that they all but missed the smartphone bus. They admit that Apple's I-phone and Google's Android can make life difficult in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you? If these illustrations mean anything, there is a bigger game unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or emails?

The "Mahabharata" is about "what is tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question - "who is my Competitor?"

In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who is my competitor for tomorrow?" The same was true for IBM whose mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not who is today's competitor.

Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's is not.

In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India? Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is videoconferencing and tele-presence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to recession. Senior IT executives in India and abroad were compelled by their head quarters to use videoconferencing to shrink travel budget. So much so, that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. (India has a quota of something like 65,000 visas to the U.S. They were going a-begging. Blame it on recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be back in business post recession is something I would not bet on. In short term yes. In long term a resounding no. Remember, if there is one place where Newton's law of gravity is applicable besides physics it is in electronic hardware. Between 1977 and 1991 the prices of the now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of its original level in India. PC's price dropped from hundreds of thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines then. As it is not many are making money. Then it will surely be RIP!

India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were distinctly different. So were the icons. The cricket gods were Sachin and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20 overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment) . Cricket season might push films out of the market.

One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came quartz clocks which were sleeker. They were much more gentle though still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in the morning? Cellphone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared without warning thanks to cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan were the losers. You never know in which bush your competitor is hiding!

Future is scary.

That sums it up rather neatly.

Drenched in Silver light..

Its pitch dark.. and I’m on an unknown vehicle moving too fast.. it feels like it has a destination to reach which I don’t know of.. I cant look ahead.. I don’t know where I am heading.. almost dizzy with speed. Leaving behind a place.. an age.. things I am aware of and at ease with.. yet I feel calm..
..the darkness continues.
A while later I feel turbulence.. the vehicle is rocking vehemently.. yet moving ahead. It could’ve been a storm? I am not sure.
Suddenly there’s a light flash.. almost blinding.. and another.. and what I see in it.. is beyond description and way beyond my imagination..
..its glittering silver! It’s a lake.. so bright that my eyes hurt.. the waters still and I see two swans wading in it. They are white.. pure.. Its serene.. and darkness engulfs me again..
The second flash brings me to what it seemed like a dense forest. Long trees that shone with the silver light.. the forest continued for a while.
Its raining.. but I cant feel it.. I cant feel anything at all.. I see raindrops shimmering as diamonds in the light. Its heavenly.
The vehicle is moving faster now.. and I see nothing again.. but the darkness seems to be going away. I see a bright light ahead.. and in no time I am drenched in it. I have stopped! The journey’s over.. peace and silence all around me. I might have survived the night.. Yes! it was a dream.. a dream that has got back again. I wonder why.

Never-the-lessons :)

Blogging has turned out to be more fun than I actually thought it would be.. While some of my friends tell me.. my posts are getting a little towards being negative I would agree. I do get more influenced by negativity. There’s something about it.. it has the power to stay in your mind forever..

Anyway, this post is not going to be about negativity at all.. on the contrary its about a few very strong positive influences that make me what I am today.. and I believe can also effect others in some way..

Not embarrassed to confess that I am the dad’s girl.. If I was told to name one person who sums up what I am, it would be my father. The man inspite of having a busy work schedule, not being able to spend a lot of time with me while growing up.. never failed to teach me the most important lessons of life.. Occasionally, I would see him react to situations where women are disrespected.. Unknowingly, somehow he has taught me to respect myself for being a woman and never give up my wants and wishes for anyone, however tough situations mite get. The courage, perseverance and ofcors patience to achieve. Sometimes too critical he has also assured that it okay to fail and it can be easily overcome.. And being humble doesn’t hurt.. I haven’t achieved anything to say that as yet though.. but if I am even half the balanced person my friends say I am.. I owe it all to him..

Strength is important.. Ofcors I am talking of mental strength here! Some of my friends (mostly women) have constantly made me feel that strength is one of the key to happiness.. Life will toss you down all the time and that’s what you need to get out and get going again.. Just to let all of them know through this post.. I am proud of you guys :)

“Its upto you what u learn from life..” Never thought a simple lesson in school can shape my personality so much.. In one of our sociology classes we were told a story. A lot of my friends might have heard about this from me before but for all who do not know it as yet.. A man has 2 sons. The elder son is a drunkard, has no job and comes home to beat up his wife everyday while the younger son is a gentleman. He works hard to make his family happy. When questioned about how the 2 brothers are so drastically different from each other, both of them revealed that their father used to be a drunkard himself exactly similar to his elder son.. and hence each of them have taken their own lesson from the past. So, go ahead and learn from the past and don’t blame anyone else for the lesson. It’s a choice u have control over and nothing can force u to compromise on what you want.

There’s no sure explanation.. Have you heard of an incident where narrating a bad dream to someone has helped completely vanish all your nightmares? Well this is something I have experienced.. I guess its just out of a sense of security that u feel once you know you are not alone.. There’s no sure explanation to why I keep getting back to that person even after the moment next to hating him.. Someone with whom I’m not afraid to share the highs and lows of my emotional self.. without the fear of being judged. This is an influence too strong to have forced me to think positive about life. Love you :) 

And finally.. some crazy bunch of friends (mostly men) who wouldn’t mind being the dog they are.. yet have the honestly and guts to come and own up their faults to people they are close to.. makes me feel better and regain faith in ..well humanity?

Okay.. I am really running out of patience.. its too big a post I’ve written today.. guess I should stop now.. well the positive infuences are over anyways.. will get back if I remember anything else :) Ciao

The Flight..

This is one of my favourite series of photograph..
..clicked on one of those idle days of work at the embroidery unit.. all these pigeons flew here to drink water.. fighting with each other for that extra gulp.. ironically they are related to the symbol of peace.. something that all of us keep searching all the time..
Wanted to share this with everyone..
and what could be a more appropriate time than The Republic Day! Jai-hind!!

Travel Tale | Gradations of Ludhiana

Usually i love traveling.. but this was one trip i was not looking forward to.. it was uncalled for, too unplanned and i was running high temperature to be able to feel any good about it. This part of North India never excited me either and if it had to be alone with only buyers accompanying u.. it would be worst i presumed. I wasn't given a choice and i reached Delhi sulking.. (not to forget the uncountable number of medicines that helped me survive the 2 hour flight).
Next morning was our train to Ludhiana. As we drove towards the station in the morning thick fog engulfed us.. leafless trees peeping through dense grey fog.. a bridge vanishing into thin air.. it all seemed like a scene from a horror flick.. thanks to the hot cup of coffee, that got me back to reality. The journey was good apart from the stink of the toilet in the train.. and we got off at Ludhiana.
"Would there be anything good to see in here?" I thought.. someone answered.. "Yes.. the best thing in Ludhiana is the road back to Delhi!" I must have thought aloud! Everyone laughed. We passed the still unconstructed bridge that someone said took 20 years to get built. It was like a dilapidated city clad in poverty. Brick houses left un-plastered.. almost broken iron rickshaws.. smoke of dusts all around and sometimes sparkling hi-end cars to strike contrasts on your face.. Ludhiana seemed like a photographic place to me.

The next four days while traveling in the city i enjoyed every bit of it. It was chilling cold and yet through the gradations of grey i couldn't miss the colours, the place had to offer. Caught off-guard when u come across a lush green stretch of paddy field after a long dusty road.. a truck carrying vibrant purple rolls of single jersey fabric through the fog.. a lemon yellow cellophane kite stuck in the iron rods of the terrace.. few kids running behind a bright red kite.. a tube well plastered to the house wall.. a group of men around a bonfire along the highway.. a man selling orange juice on the streets hoping someone will come and buy a glass just at sunset.. the silence that slowly starts setting in as night arrives.
I don't know how those 4 days passed by quickly.. was relieved it was time to get back home.. prayed the train would be on time.. It was.

Looking back now.. Ludhiana was never so beautiful ever before. Wouldn't mind going back again but yes with a camera this time and of'cors without work. :)

..to start with blogging!

This is not the first time i thought of blogging.. the idea has crossed my mind numerous times before and a lot of ppl have also told me that i should consider writing it.. but was never so keen on strangers reading my thoughts aloud. "The Diary" provided a much more personal space.. but with increasing work stress and other unavoidable responsibilities writing a diary has taken a back seat.. should i say i hardly have time for thoughts anymore? i hardly have time for myself.. and its definitely time to get back. Nothing better than starting a blog now.. and sharing thoughts with people doesn't seem so bad ..on second thoughts :)

Here I am,
Lost in the light of the moon,
That comes through my window..

Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divides,
The thorns from the roses. It's you and the roses.

Touch me and I will follow, in your afterglow..
Heal me from all this sorrow,
As I let you go.. I will find my way.. when I see your eyes,
Now I'm living.. In your afterglow. .

Here I am,
Lost in the ashes of time,
But who wants tomorrow,
In between, longing to hold you again,
I'm caught in your shadow.
I'm losing control..

My mind drifts away..
We only have today..