The pain was excruciating. My hands trembled to reach hers.. but the growing distance ..the unearthly force ripping us apart from the embrace, made it seem nearly impossible. A fierce tide washed off the rough ground beneath me in utter rage, thrashing me into a whirlpool. It burnt against my skin. Then it was the current pulling me further down into what is seemed like nothingness.. deeper and deeper.. thoughts raced through me, almost in a blur.. until darkness gripped.
It was easier than flying. Almost effortless. As we held each other’s hand and ran along the sandy beach. We have been perfect, inspite of our differences. The soul sisters.
She was plain. with a small nose that wrinkled up a little, whenever she was disagreeing.. mostly with me.. confused. A wheatish complexion that she loathed, a formed prejudice. Dark black curls and a deep set jaw giving away the stubborn cheekbones. She often confessed she felt beautiful with me, desired to steal my splendor as it felt unfair to belong together yet so widely apart. “You are divine & serene.. so pure that I feel jealous” she used to say. I never quite felt the same for her. Never saw myself without her. If not for her I would have never felt emotion. It was so easy to share my thoughts with her and see her shed tears for me.. for my wellbeing. She consoled. She healed me.
And then when she lay, lifeless.. her face peaceful, relieved somehow. Soft white waves washing away at her feet, the foam touching her soft features. The sky looked unusually lit. Wrapped in a green cast that hurt the eyes. Blinding. I was breathing silence now, it was so thick it suffocated me. Its been days I’ve been running.. running away from the darkness that followed behind. The speed was breathtaking, not knowing where It’ll lead me.. what I’ll witness and what I’ll endure. But it seemed like homecoming. The huge chandelier tossed rainbows around the place as afternoon sunlight fell into its arms. The window had a golden frame, intricate and ornamented with glittering stones. The air smelt familiar.. welcoming. I walked, in steady small steps.. much calmer now.. and there she was, waiting for me outside, her face perfect as always..
Golden hair flying into her face.. deep blue eyes deep into mine.. arms stretched out for an embrace..
I guess if you are destined to fall for a guy.. vampire or what-ever, whos eye color changes from Onyx to Topaz??!! (..are u kidding me?)You’re definitely struck by the devil and NO God can save you the mis-fortunes.
Purrr! W-h-a-t a w-e-e-k.. with all its great falls!!
Hogenekkal Falls to start with.. when (as my friend said..) the “anti-biotically infused” me and 2 more equally eccentric people in the “Blue city” set off for the weekend trip. Not going too much into the drive.. would just say it was threatening to see our driver take his feet off the accelerator & break to the tunes of “Oh boy! You’re mine..” and a few more equally disturbing Bollywood hits. Unbelievable but true, we managed to reach the destination.. and when those gushing water streams splashed on your face, it all felt right. But how can things be in place for too long considering our much desired “balance” of life.
Yes! My Nikon F55 had the next great fall. (I hope my parents don’t have my blog link saved anywhere..) Carefully wrapped as it was, in a bath towel to save it from any water splash in my bag while I was using the not-so-cared digital camera for the needful.. the bag fell off the rock (which I thought had quite the strong and balanced composure.. definitely more than mine at that point of time) Sorry, I refuse to describe the water it fell into.. okay, it had moss in it.. and may be 1 or 2 ghutka packets?? So what! I wudn’t have been less heartbroken if it fell into the pure waters of Ganges. Ignore the pun. thats my anti-biotics again.
I’m yet to hear from the service centre guy.. but I’m still hopefull of getting my camera back in full health, after a few surgeries. (praying aside, it happens by Saturday!)
Getting back! What was I expecting of Sunday? While trying to transfer songs from my phone to a friends, it hung and restarted a few times. Moderately crippled by technology as I am, we took it to the showroom and discovered a virus-attack. Did I forget to mention it attacked my friend’s phone too. These bloody viruses don’t even take a weekend’s break!! Or should I say they work ONLY on spoiling weekends. Harrowed by the new phone models displayed all around us, we finally decided to give our materialistic selves a try.. and as it all happens at the wrong times, I fell for Nokia C5 ..and quite a fatal attraction I must agree!The no-interest EMIs were only for the ICICI & Citibank cardholders.. but I don’t believe in “signs” do i?
Oh yes! The HDFC credit card bill is on its way..
Feeling all happy about the person who created the phrase “Alls well that ends well?” (..not “Aal Is Well”)I started the week. The infamous Monday Morning came with high fever and severe weakness. ignored the headache as my-usual-migraine. Still hoping that it was the intestinal infection and nothing else, I went for a blood test. (..and people say I’m negative about life?) Widal test confirmed Typhoid. Crap! I’ve fallen sick! The list of dos-and-donts started flowing from all over the world.. “bland food, no oil, no spice, take rest, take care, don’t leave your stomach empty, sleep often, only mineral water, lots of fruits (yuck!), tender coconut water, don’t skip medicines, avoid non-veg!” Stop! Stop! Stop!*
..and then the last and the final “Humpty Damn-ty had a great fall” (did I spell it wrong?) "all the kings horses & all the kings men, couldn’t put Humpty together again!” Pardon my singing nursery rhymes in the middle of no-where, its those anti-biotics, and I’m a little high.. so, it’s the right time to admit (or I might regret it later) that Edward Cullen is definitely d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s! With all his (read good-looks) passion & animal instincts to protect someone he loves. Yes, I’m behaving like a teenager. I’ve heard that quite sometimes since the past few more-than-hours.. but that’s the guy at the end of the day.. (or blog post..) that takes it all away!
I guess if you are destined to fall for a guy.. vampire or what-ever, whos eye color changes from Onyx to Topaz??!! (..are u kidding me?)You’re definitely struck by the devil and NO God can save you the mis-fortunes. Have I fallen into the loop again??
* PS. No offense to all those I quoted. You know I love you all, and aside I appreciate the care & concern. :)
..the rusted grill gate opened to a small balcony wrapped in a layer of dust pilling up for years. As we walked further in, I entered a dark passage with rooms on either side, peeped into one of them and stared at it with a stunned silence. It had everything capable of throwing me into downright depression. Its almost broken windows failed to allow the required sunlight for human existence.. but didn’t allow one to miss those dust particles flying in the air.. the damp through the mezzanine floor was prominent.. shelves covered with wooden doors didn’t promise much either. A single mattress, uncovered, stained and grayed with dirt was folded and left unattended at one corner. The walls though brightly coloured in green wasn’t the right shade and wasn’t giving any comfort at all. “Is this where I have to stay for the next one week.. or more?” I thought. My heart skipped a beat.
I was working with the Mumbai based fashion designer, Krishna Mehta. Back in 2007 it was my first job after passing out of NIFT. Have been aware of this small village called Palanpur in Gujarat since then. Krishna had one of her block printing units there. Palak as it was called was indeed special. The workers here couldn’t hear or speak, yet they were gifted to be warm. A week amidst nature with its serenity & adventure.. The idea of visiting the place at the first go was appealing!
As we wrapped up work in the unit, I started dreading going back to the place where we were supposed to spend the night.. nights till work gets over. I felt betrayed. Was told, arrangements of staying were at the guesthouse, not at some god-forsaken house in the middle of tall trees, unused for 20 years and also with a possibility of being haunted. Krishna left for Mumbai that afternoon. Firoz and I stayed outdoors till sunset, planning our days ahead. I mostly complaining and he being all patient and sympathetic.. probably thinking “these kids!” aside. Nightfall in Palanpur was unforgettable. Had remotely imagined what darkness could mean.. and that even insect sounds could be deafening in that silence. In full rampage, the house was clean for the night.. Firoz had taken charge of not letting me break down in everyway possible.
Yet, had troubles falling asleep that night.. was already planning escape .
Dawn broke pretty soon. I had decided, I was going back. Bought tickets for the day after. The early morning train was from Amhedabad. Had no idea how I was going to reach there but I knew I had to go back. Nothing seemed right at that moment.. or I just wasn’t seeing it. Felt suffocated in that loneliness. As the day passed.. things started getting sorted.. managed a bus ticket to Amhedabad.. and with Firoz’s help even found a place to stay there for a night. Himanshu!! It totally skipped my mind.. he was staying in Amhedabad. I don’t know where I got the motivation or was it out of that utter desperation to escape.. that I finished most of the work in the unit and by evening.. all my bags packed!!
The bus journey was tough. I was sad. Never thought I would ‘run away’ from the responsibilities given to me.. and if its your first job, the guilt is even worse.
Thankfully Firoz accompanied me, so we had other things to talk about. As we reached Amhedabad at night.. we took a little tour of the place. Our first stop & the only one being NID, before Himanshu’s house. Chicken stew awaited us for dinner.. aunty was informed that I wasn’t keeping well and hence I had to leave. Ofcors, they knew the story later.J Did I forget to mention, this family was Bengali.. and apart from the good food, a lot of the other ‘bong’ factors completely set my mind for the next day. Firoz and Himanshu came to see me off at the station in the morning. Just as the train started moving.. I knew no words to thank the two of them.. must’ve done something right to get that kind of a support.
..spend the journey phrasing my resignation.
Mumbai never seemed more welcoming. I showed up in office after 2 days.. and thank god I didn’t have a missing diary at police stations by then. As I now look back at this, I don’t regret coming back since I have understood, apart from taking up and accomplishing all the responsibilities given to you in your job, its also important to put your foot down when required.
I didn’t have to resign, probably everyone understood the same.
New Look!!
At-l-a-s-t.. after a days effort and yes in the process i did manage to learn little bit of HTML!! What a pain!
So whats with this name? Whoever manages to get any meaning out of it.. is welcome to post comments for some fun discussion.. and for the rest (..or the rest of the world who would never read my blog) Ah, nevermind.. its just crap.
A film by Rituporno Ghosh, it revolves around the life of a poet.. Successful and well appreciated by the world for his literary work. Hidden behind all the fame & achievement is an ordinary man not so successful in fulfilling the basic scores of life. Being annoyingly impractical and insensitive, his wife becomes weary of his sense of responsibility and attention towards the family, and decides to separate. A sudden demise of her husband just on the day of her confrontation to a colleague and friend about the decision, turns the world around for her.
The memorial function sets her into a whole new journey.. through the various recitations of her husband’s works which she was completely unaware of throughout these years.. or more importantly never inquisitive enough.. As she learns more about all the imaginary characters he created.. she discovers him yet again.. completely different from what she knew he was. Not the reckless, unkempt man who was selfishly into his own self.. but as an immensely insightful human being to whom every moment spent with any person was memorable.. and significant.. a part of his existence.
A mystical expedition takes her to the woman he loved.. and how he wanted the woman of his life to love him.. in a different name than hers yet almost similar to the woman she was. The differences begin to fade away as she realizes she was the one he loved and was an inspiration throughout the years he lived. Probably she has begun to understand him better and love him for the person he is.. and he is.. he still lives..
Love travels through the barriers of death and she finds him with her.. just the way she had always wanted..
Reality is vague.. and it’s the emotional attachments that tie us up together.. in different relationships. This is one of those movies which moved me and grew on inside with time.
Thought it was a piece of art.. never before by the director.
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